1. Real parrots never squawk at 5 decibels when 10 decibels will achieve the same results.
2. Real parrots never eat raw foods unless the items have been offered for six consecutive days. Playing with new foods after three days, while not mandatory, is quite acceptable.
3. Real parrots are never truly potty-trained, even though they can train their parents to whatever extent they wish.
4. Real parrots can ignore such basic phrases as "hello" for months, no matter how many times they are repeated, but they are obligated to quickly learn a curse word after only a few repetitions. This word is repeated in proportion to the amount of discomfort Mom and Dad show.
5. Real parrots cultivate the "cry" that lays the biggest guilt trip on Mom and Dad whenever they leave the house.
6. Real parrots know that God made every third piece of celery to be eaten. The other two are to be thrown on the floor.
7. Real parrots understand that toys are not made to be played with - they are made to be eaten; chewed, shredded, ripped apart, broken, decimated or thrown to the floor and ignored if none of the above are applicable.
8. Real parrots never let Mom and Dad go into another room to nap. They either squawk until their parents return, or they flop to the floor and waddle into the room where the parent is. (When both parents leave the room to nap, incarcerating the parrot is often necessary).
9. Real parrots stay on Mom or Dad's shoulder until Mom or Dad's hands are covered with soapsuds or hold sharp objects. Then real parrots jump into action.
10. Real parrots never speak on command, especially if Mom and Dad have company. They prefer to vocalize at sunrise or when parents use the phone.
11. Real parrots know that styrofoam is a true gift from God. It was made for parrots to tear up. Aviculturists refer to this as the "You Destroy My Environment, and I'll Destroy Yours" syndrome.
12. Real parrots don't eat quiche. They prefer gooey, sticky foods, such as peanut utter and cream cheese. This makes cleaning the cage more difficult for Mom and Dad.
13. Real parrots have sensitive bite-o-meters that can be calibrated to fit any number of humans. Sometimes a problem develops, and the parrot must bite a certain individual many times to ascertain a "true" reading. Quite frequently this person stops pestering the parrot long before an accurate calibration is attained.
Reprinted by Pretty Birds from our customers
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